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flammablehatCheck out the unaltered fic here on the Ao3.
Caleb stares in horror at the glass, at the familiar sweet face staring gobsmacked back at him. He’s in shock, but Jester’s reaction is almost immediate, frantic distress, spinning and grabbing at her— his? —her hair, her vanished bosom, down between her legs. Her eyes go round as saucers at her unexpected handful. [Finding the logical and consistent way to refer to the characters when you've swapped them is legitimately the hardest part of any bodyswap fic, every time]
“What in the actual fuck is going on in here?” Fjord stumbles in, Beau crashing into his back and almost sending the both of them toppling to the ground.
“Caleb and I switched bodies!” Jester blurts, not quite a shriek, throwing her arms wide. To everyone watching it looks like he’s gone mad, his voice warping an octave and a half too high, accent all wrong, his normal three foot shell of personal space shattering as Jester throws herself at Beau.
“Holy shit,” Beau says, eyes darting between the Caleb hanging off her arms and the Caleb silently panicking inside Jester. [This is about where I started to feel comfortable with the way I was referring to them and that people wouldn't get lost with who I was talking about in the moment]
“Oh, hell,” Fjord says, just as Nott comes screaming into the room between his legs. Caduceus lopes in behind her, ducking to make it under the fussily gathered fabric doorway.
“Hey,” he says, pointing back toward the entrance with his thumb. “Guy says not to touch the mirrors, they can be a little unpredictable.” [The circus joke literally occurred to me as I was writing this and tickled me so much I just went with it. Why not, right? Mirrors are funny and full of great metaphor potential]
“Ja,” Caleb agrees, weakly, and then collapses in a dead faint.
“Thirty six hours?” Beau’s face is a picture of outraged disbelief.
The crotchety old gnome at the tent opening shrugs a shoulder. “Give or take,” he says again. “Sometimes less, sometimes more. Shouldn’t ‘ave touched the mirrors.”
“Shouldn’t have touched the mirrors!” She’s still shouting about it thirty minutes later as they’re all climbing back into the cart. They’re on the dirt path headed toward Nogvurot, ostensibly trying to keep a low profile. “We shouldn’t have gone to another goddam circus! Whose idea was that? When has a circus ever ended well for us?”
“We met Molly at the circus,” Jester says, mostly calm now. “And Yasha,” she adds with a tilt of her head that just looks weird in his body.
“Yeah, and Yasha,” Beau says significantly, to which Fjord makes a face and flicks the reins to get the horses moving.
Nott forces herself into the gap on the seat between him and Jester, wrestling out her flask. It’s a good minute and twelve seconds before she comes up for air, scrubbing at her mouth with the back of her wrist.
“You want some?” she offers the flask to Jester first, yanking it away before Jester can accept when Nott realizes her mistake. She sways back into Caleb’s side, holding out the flask. [I feel like Nott's love for Jester can literally only be topped by her love for Caleb, so it was kind of amusing to me to have her kind of explicitly acknowledge her favoritism here, even if it was by accident]
“No, thank you Nott,” Caleb says. She nods, turning again to Jester, who accepts the drink with an insulted huff.
“A little fun, a little diversion,” Caduceus says, turning his face up into the fading sunlight. “It’s good for the soul. Our troubles aren’t permanent.”
“No more fucking circuses!” Beau makes a slicing motion with her hand. “From this point forward, circuses are off the table.” [Juxtaposing Beau's salty effort to restore reason and control with Cad's chill acceptance was another thing that kind of just occurred to me in the moment and that I really enjoyed a lot. In my own awareness of how I write, I tend to want things to follow each other, so trying something that was more an abrupt 'ball change,' so to speak, was interesting and felt really dynamic. I was really pleased with the result and how it helped foster more of that dry, satisfying snap to the tone of the fic]
The sleeping arrangements are, predictably, a bit of an ordeal.
“I don’t know how comfortable I am with our usual set up,” Fjord hedges, eyeing Caleb with the beginnings of a fine blush. [The km prompt asked for either Jester/Caleb or Jester/Fjord and obviously I loved both options, so I wanted to include elements of both even if I favored one. I like to think of this fic as a pre-poly setup for Caleb/Jester/Fjord, and the little blushy moment here was meant as a small wink to Fjord's somewhat confused attraction]
“What, are you planning on ravishing him in his sleep?” Nott demands.
“No!” Fjord snaps back, blush deepening.
“I don’t mind,” Beau says wearily. “You can stay with me, Jessie. But if you snore in this body I’ll smother you with a pillow, fair warning.”
Caleb clears his throat. “I, ah, would actually prefer to bunk with Jester for tonight, if that is alright.”
“Are you planning on ravishing her in her sleep?” Nott whirls on him, aghast. [I'm honestly sad this little exchange didn't get called out in any comments, because I thought Nott's pivot was hysterical. Unrelated to that - I read an author commentary a million years ago (on a Remus/Snape fic, of all things) where the author talked about how they used rhythm to build humor into the story, and it was one of the most fascinating things I've ever read about writing. Kind of wish I remembered the name of the fic or how to find that commentary again because I'd love to revisit what they said. Anyway, tl;dr, this group exchange was my effort at trying to use rhythm in whatever limited manner I could recall from that post and I think it works!]
“No,” Caleb says, trying not to sound defensive. “I just have some. Questions. That would be a little awkward with other company.”
“Oh yeah,” Jester says, nodding. “That is a good point, I have questions too.” It sounds like ‘tew,’ the way she says it.
“Alright, Deucy, guess it’s just you and me tonight.” Fjord hefts his pack on his shoulder, tossing an extra key to Caduceus, who doesn’t even try to catch it. Fjord nods, says, “Yup.” Then he turns on his heel for their room. [By contrast, I was a little surprised at how this moment stuck out for a few people! Which was a neat surprise!]
There’s a measure of relief to finally closing a door behind Jester and himself. It lasts for all of thirty seconds.
“Jester, I could use your help—” he starts just as she says “Hey, so, can I jerk off in your body?”
She must take his stunned silence as invitation, because she continues, “It’s just that I’ve never had a dick before, and Beau got to have one that one time, and I thought it would be pretty cool to try while I do have it, you know.” [I feel really good about my Jester voice. Nothing else to add there; I just really like writing her and she feels easy to me. I'm going to interpret that as a cosmic reflection of my love for Laura Bailey, basically]
“Uh,” Caleb says. “I need to relieve myself. I was hoping you might assist; I did not want to take any liberties.”
“You have to pee? How long have you been holding it, Caleb? It’s been hours!” Jester sounds chiding, which is somehow the least explicable thing about this conversation. “I’ve peed twice so far, just so you know.”
“Gott im Himmel verschone mich,” Caleb mumbles, pressing small blue hands to his face. [Shout out to Panda for the clutch translation job, you the best]
“Well come on,” she says, tugging him to the water closet. There’s more scolding, this time about his carelessness with her tail. Caleb keeps his eyes squeezed shut for the duration, sighing with relief even if it is strange to sit while urinating.
He somehow manages to forget until they’ve snuffed the candles and settle into their respective beds for the night.
“Caleb,” she whispers, quite loud.
“Ja, Jester,” Caleb does not whisper back. He can hear her shuffling under her covers, furtively.
“I don’t want to take liberties either, you know,” she says.
“I know,” Caleb says. [More rhythm work - back and forth and back and forth, keep the ball bouncing]
“Which is why I asked first. I’m sorry I touched your penis to pee but I really had to go and it’s very easy like this—”
“It’s really— it’s fine, please, you do not need to apologize,” Caleb interrupts her, torn between mortification and humor. “Do what you like with my body. I am not currently occupying it.”
“Really?” she says.
“Really,” Caleb says, hoping that’s the end of it.
And it is, sort of, until he hears more rustling, and a soft, telltale rhythmic fwapping sound that has him pinching the bridge of his nose, hard. [I seriously considered using 'fapping' here and I couldn't bring myself to do it, lmao]
“Caleb?” Jester says again a few minutes later, slightly more breathless this time.
“Yes, Jester,” Caleb says, staring up at the ceiling. [Repeating Caleb's 'yes, Jester' refrain was a big part of both his flat affect and also that rhythm bit I keep coming back to]
“What does your body like?”
“Oh, I don’t know. Silence. Sleep.”
“Caleb,” she whines.
He hears a few more indistinct sounds, a concerning thump, and then a soft shuffling. He almost hits the ceiling when his own face pops up next to his bed, eyes peering over the side-rail in the darkness.
“It’s just that your hand is a little rough and so it feels kinda good but also kind of not, so I was just wondering if you had any, like, pointers or anything?” She’s still peeping at him over the edge of the bed. Caleb stares at her for a long moment. [I still kind of marvel at how easily all of this came out. Under normal circumstances, navigating this kind of dynamic would probably take a lot of time and overthinking on my part and I'd be wringing my hands over how it read to someone who hadn't spent days staring at it, but this whole fic was just such an easy joy. Wish it happened more often, tbh]
“Come up here,” he says, resigned. She bounces up from her crouch with surprising energy, clambering onto the narrow cot with him. He arranges her between his legs, pulling her back against his chest so he at least has the correct direction of it.
Flourishing his hand demonstratively, he summons a little wetness into his palm, then remembers she probably can’t see it with his human eyes.
It’s different reaching for his cock like this, from outside his own body. It’s somewhat further away now, and also Jester’s hands are smaller than his, making the hold momentarily unfamiliar. She gasps as he strokes her, tossing her head back onto his shoulder. She has no compunction about grabbing at his thighs with both of her hands.
“Wow, it feels really good when someone else touches it,” she says, and he’s weirdly flattered before remembering himself. This is easy, and if he hasn’t exactly made a habit of pulling himself off while traveling with the Nein, the body doesn’t forget. For Caleb it’s always been more of a perfunctory thing anyway, a quick satisfaction. Jester writhes against him, pushing eagerly into his hand, and it’s enough to make him wonder why it should’ve been like that. She’s clearly having more fun with it than he ever did.
“Come on, Caleb,” she urges, whiny again.
“You asked for what I liked,” he says, twisting his wrist and winning a surprised moan. “This is what I like.” [This was one of the first exchanges I thought of when I started writing. I couldn't wait to get to this moment and put it down. it strikes me as such an intensely Caleb thing to say. Rules lawyering his own life]
Truthfully, he’d have finished himself by now. He doesn’t feel particularly hurried about it with Jester, perhaps enjoying her panting desperation with just a touch of sadism. It’s also somewhat...compelling to see the way she transforms him into someone sensual, passionate. He teases her with his fingers and a light, insubstantial grip, letting her chase his fist. She actually squeals as he presses his thumb into her slit, and he quickly covers her mouth with his free hand.
“Do you like that?” he asks her, possessed suddenly by some perverse demon. “Is it everything you hoped it would be, Jester?” [Sexy Caleb kinda came out of nowhere for me but I really dig it. I do like the idea of revisiting this particular dynamic between them in a follow up of some kind, but no ideas have really stuck yet]
She whimpers into his palm, straining her borrowed body into a long, plaintive arch as he relents and gives her exactly what she needs: fast and tight, stripping the orgasm out of her with ruthless thoroughness.
“Holy shit,” she breathes out, later, still sprawled limply on top of him. “Why aren’t you doing that all the time?”
“It would be inconvenient to our travel schedule,” Caleb says, deadpan.
“I have got to get this thing sucked before I lose it,” she says, apropos of nothing. For some reason, it makes Caleb’s face heat, which annoys him. [Irrepressible Jester upsetting all of Caleb's aloof control IS my kink, y'all]
“Do you plan on sleeping on top of me?” he asks.
“Oh, no.” She rolls off of him, finding her feet with only a little wobbling. She looks down at him for a moment, considering. “You can masturbate in my body if you want,” she offers, matter of fact.
Caleb pulls his sheets up to his chin, and then further, over his head. “Goodnight Jester,” he says, muffled.
“Goodnight,” she says. Her bed creaks as she settles down, sighing happily. “Let me know if you need any help!”
Caleb closes his eyes, focuses on his breathing. Ignores how slippery he is between his little tiefling thighs.
“Where in the seven hells is she?” Fjord mutters, glancing around with furtive concern. The cart is packed and they’ve gathered to eat at the shabby tavern below the inn. They’d agreed to be ready to leave after breakfast, so Jester’s absence isn’t worthy of a full-blown panic yet, but it is still unusual enough to put them on edge.
Fjord and Beau visibly relax a second before Caleb does at seeing himself approach their table almost ten minutes later.
“Where were you?” Beau says, nudging a mostly unmolested plate of egg and pastry towards Jester as she sits. [If you're not there at meal time your strawberries are up for grabs, them's the rules]
“A whorehouse,” Jester says.
Beau chokes, slamming herself in the chest with her fist as Fjord sprays a fine mist of ale across the table. [Fuckin love being able to do the spit take moments! I! Love! Them!]
“Huh,” Caduceus says. “I wouldn’t think a town this small would have one.” [Another moment I thought might get more attention - Caduceus being completely unfazed by the implication of what Jester's said]
“I know, right?” Jester says, tucking into her food.
Nott’s eyes are huge, flicking between Jester, then Caleb, then Fjord, then Jester again. “What were you doing at a whorehouse?” she asks, hesitant like she almost doesn’t want to know.
“Getting my cock sucked,” Jester says, exactly as Caleb dreaded she would. He slowly lowers his face into his hands.
“What the fuck — Jester, we were worried!” Fjord finally gathers himself enough to hiss. Beau, for her part, has begun shaking with silent laughter, slumping into Caduceus’ side. [I am Beau here, endlessly delighted by Jester]
“I’m fine!” Jester insists through her mouthful. “Honestly, it was twenty gold well-spent, you guys should really try it—”
“Twenty gold!” Fjord and Nott shout over her, horrified.
“Shit, I would’ve sucked it for twenty gold!” Fjord slaps a hand on the table, stiffening up with the realization he’s drawn the attention of everyone but Beau, who’s half slid to the floor, wheezing. “Oh, don’t look at me like I’m the weird one here!” Fjord snaps, his whole face alight. [Another early exchange I was super looking forward to writing. It was every bit as satisfying as I'd hoped]
Caleb can feel the fire in his own face, and hopes Jester’s darker complexion hides it better, or that they all write him off as an easily embarrassed prude. Better that than guessing at the true course of his imagination, where Jester guides a dark head between her thighs, only they’re his thighs, and Jester makes sweet, hungry noises in his ear while Fjord looks up at them from his knees—
“I think it’s beyond time we left,” he says, viciously dragging his thoughts out of that whirlpool.
“Yeah we’re uh, attracting some attention,” Caduceus says, helping haul Beau to her feet.
They pile into the cart in a cloud of bickering chatter. Their path carries on to Nogvurot, where they’re meant to avoid the Assembly and wait out Essek’s messenger. They were warned the assignment could take weeks, but Caleb and Beau, at least, have their own reasons for returning to the Empire. Even if only temporarily.
Perhaps there, if he’s lucky, Caleb will also have the time to begin exploring one or two long-neglected pleasures.
[Ultimately most of what there is to be found in this fic is very much available on the surface, so I don't know that I had a lot of interesting analysis to offer, but I just enjoyed it so much it felt worthwhile to comment on my experience writing it, for posterity's sake. ^_^]
